Bittersweet

I am sitting here in silence in my home...silence?!  Yes, that's right. The boy is sleeping and the girl is with her grandma.  I decided to take it easy this morning since the next few weekends are so busy.  Am I the only one who needs these days? Silence doesn't happen very often with two children.  Boy do I love them, though.

I got the pleasure of reading my devotion in the quiet, man that feels so good. The one I read this morning is titled Bittersweet.  Here's a portion of it:
               
"Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and the sweet and that a life of nothing but sweetness robs both your teeth and your soul.  Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through......Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is nuanced, full of depth and complexity." -Savor by Shauna Niequist

The past six months I have been trying to come up with a way to describe this season of my life with transitioning from one baby to two, from fighting through postpartum depression and juggling everything from job to alone time with my husband, and now this word....this word spoke to me.  Bittersweet!  I would never ever change anything from this season and now I know.  These past six months I have grown and there have been some serious growing pains.  I am convinced that they have made me better.  Am I the mom, wife, friend I want to be?  No, not yet but I am closer.  This journey of motherhood and marriage will always be  challenging and I will always be growing. Thank God we don't have to go at it alone.

If there is anything I could pass on it would be that there is grace for the struggles, there is a God who cares, trust me, he cares.  Many times on this journey I have received words that I know were from him. He is always trying to speak to us.  Do we always stop and listen? No!  There are many times that I don't hear him until I am desperate.  In this season, I have been so desperate.  My soul has been like a barren wasteland but when I cried out for help, he was there.  Has everyday been easy?  Hell no!  (I hope that doesn't offend anyone but I feel that strongly.)  It has been a struggle to get out of bed some days, there has been a cloud hanging over me some days. BUT!....I kept going.  Know why?  My savior.  Not because of me and my strong will.  I am weak and when I am weak, he is strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)  Thank you, Jesus!

I could go on and on about everything but I will leave you with this, I know that I am not completely out of the dark cloud days but I do know that again and again I will be rescued.  There will be some bittersweet moments and there will be some sweet, sweet moments but each day I remind myself to be thankful. I have a beautiful family. I mean, have you seen them???  I have family and friends who care, a church family who are there and a wonderful job with some great people. So yeah, I am thankful and even on my worst days my heart is full of the love I have been overwhelmed with.

"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."-Savor