"You know the way to our hearts and the more we see the more we love you." These words rang so true to my heart when we sang them at church this morning. I couldn't help but smile because I was reminded of Friday morning. I've been in reno-mode the past few weeks and I just can't stop myself. Once I get an idea in my head it's hard for me to wait to get it accomplished. Anyone else? So, here are a few things we've been working on: painting the outside of the house, re-painting the living room, chevron stripes on the back porch, and re-doing the front porch where all the paint is chipping off. Old house say what?! Not to mention, my baby is turning one this week and I've been getting things ready for her party and her first year video. You could easily say that my focus has been off of everything else. Thankfully I realized that on Friday. To say that I have been overwhelmed is a bit of an understatement. I know I did it to myself. I know I should have thought to ask our good God so much sooner for peace but it didn't hit me until Friday morning.
I was on my way to Walmart to get more painting supplies. My father-in-law showed up that morning ready to paint the exterior. I wasn't prepared for that but I was so excited to get it done that I didn't care. I was feeling so anxious and I really didn't have any reason other than my "need" to get everything finished before Raleigh's big party. Suddenly it hit me that I needed to pray. I turned on some worship and I asked God for peace. I boldly said "God, I am not getting out of my car until you give me peace." You may think that's pretty bold. I could have been sitting there all day but I knew that I just could not go on until I had peace. Peace that passes all understanding. Peace that washes over us in our most stressful moments. Peace that gives us rest. Wonderful peace.
I decided to open up my devotion app for the day and the scripture was Philippians 4:6-7 "don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then, you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
When I read that I could not keep the tears from flowing and right there in the Walmart parking lot, I felt peace. I told God what I needed and because I asked, I received. Man, why didn't I do that before? I had been so focused on my "to do" list that I let the most important thing fall to the bottom of the list. So, as I sang those words this morning I knew how true they are. He knows the way to our hearts. I love him more today. The biggest lesson for me in this is to always let his peace guard my heart and mind. It's so easy to get overwhelmed with little things but those things do not matter when you think of the big picture.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Life lately
I need to be more persistent in my blogging but most of the time I have no idea what to write about and half the time I think "who cares". Well, I decided tonight that I would like to improve on my writing skills and what better way to do it? So, it's really simple for you….don't read it or read it.
So, back to my title, life lately. Life seems to be in a hurry these days. Why does time seem to be flying by? Yesterday was January and today is June. Well, you know what I mean. The biggest change in life is of course, motherhood in all its glory. I absolutely love it. My little Raleigh bee is so much better than I ever could have imagined. Why doesn't anyone tell you this sooner?! I guess I could also ask, why didn't anyone tell me how challenging the first few months were going to be?! Adjusting to a new life that you are responsible for is…well, it's a big responsibility. Anyway, I feel like Daniel and I have adjusted more and we now aren't quite as shocked that we have a child together. What started almost fourteen years ago has resulted in something so ridiculously wonderful. Never once when I was a fifteen year old smart-mouthed girl, would I ever, ever dreamed of a fairytale-like life. Don't misunderstand me here. We do not have a perfect life, but we do have each other and we have a Father with so much undeserved and unmerited grace. Some naysayers may say that I am disillusioned in believing we can always have a great marriage and have a great daughter but they can keep on naysaying. I know it takes work and I know that God is bigger than any situation that could ever come up. We have already seen what a miracle -working God we serve.
Back to life as of recent. Aside from balancing being a wife, mother, and employee, I have started exercising. Feels so good and I'm only a few pounds away from my pre-baby weight. Curses to all of you who lose it so quickly and easily (the Lord is working on my bitterness). Ha! Seriously though, I'm just glad to be back in my clothes. I have been painting everything you can think of. Most recently, our back porch. I couldn't have done that without the help of my lovely friend, Katie Billings. She taped off the chevron stripes and we went from there. It all started in the living room a few months ago and now it's focused on the outside. This weekend we will be painting around our windows outside the house. Just trying to spruce the place up. I think if my pharmacy job doesn't work out I could be a professional painter. I have painted every single room in our house.
My sweet girl now has five pearly whites, she's standing on her own, sleeping through most nights and loves to make people smile. We cannot go anywhere without her saying "hey" to every passerby and then turning to see if they respond. She's quite different than her shy mama and I love it. She is such a joy and it is my prayer that she will be all of her life to everyone who has the pleasure of meeting her.
She is turning one in about two weeks. I cannot believe it. Lately I've been thinking about all of the changes and how quickly it goes by. Makes my heart a little sad, I won't lie. I am so thankful for each stage but looking back I wish each one was a little longer and I wish I could remember every single thing. Reading back through her baby book always make me say "awe".
I have also been reflecting on her journey into the world. I have been praying that my heart would not have one ounce of bitterness when I hear of the perfect pregnancy, perfect delivery and then how breast feeding went amazing for you! Sorry, I'm just letting it all out there. In all honesty I think it's more jealousy. I worked so hard, for about 75 hours or so, for a natural, epidural-free birth and it did not happen that way. 75 hours!!! I don't mean I was in labor at home but at the birth center, water broken and all. I am not trying to outdo anyone, I just wanted it to go better and I just want to feel good and proud about what I did. In the end, I had a beautiful baby. In the end, she is healthy with formula. In the end, it turned out that mama is alive and well! My heart is slowly but surely recovering from that. It will certainly be a story to tell miss Raleigh. Sometimes when you have your heart set to something or your plans are so set in stone, it doesn't happen and that doesn't mean that the Father doesn't love us. In fact, we get to see His love more in those times. One of my most precious memories during my time in the hospital was what I remember as my first moment waking up from a coma and seeing my beautiful friends standing around my bed. My husband, Sarah Turner, Kelly Kasten, Nandi Pryce and Mary Turner were all there. That is the love that I got the privilege to experience. Of course, I received so much love that I could never name everyone and I could never, ever express the gratefulness of my heart but that memory will always remind me of God's undeserved, yet so needed love.
Well, to sum it all up….
better at blogging (hopefully)
baby
marriage
juggling of schedule
added gym membership
painting
baby
jealousy (working through it)
friends
God
Love
It's a good life.
So, back to my title, life lately. Life seems to be in a hurry these days. Why does time seem to be flying by? Yesterday was January and today is June. Well, you know what I mean. The biggest change in life is of course, motherhood in all its glory. I absolutely love it. My little Raleigh bee is so much better than I ever could have imagined. Why doesn't anyone tell you this sooner?! I guess I could also ask, why didn't anyone tell me how challenging the first few months were going to be?! Adjusting to a new life that you are responsible for is…well, it's a big responsibility. Anyway, I feel like Daniel and I have adjusted more and we now aren't quite as shocked that we have a child together. What started almost fourteen years ago has resulted in something so ridiculously wonderful. Never once when I was a fifteen year old smart-mouthed girl, would I ever, ever dreamed of a fairytale-like life. Don't misunderstand me here. We do not have a perfect life, but we do have each other and we have a Father with so much undeserved and unmerited grace. Some naysayers may say that I am disillusioned in believing we can always have a great marriage and have a great daughter but they can keep on naysaying. I know it takes work and I know that God is bigger than any situation that could ever come up. We have already seen what a miracle -working God we serve.
Back to life as of recent. Aside from balancing being a wife, mother, and employee, I have started exercising. Feels so good and I'm only a few pounds away from my pre-baby weight. Curses to all of you who lose it so quickly and easily (the Lord is working on my bitterness). Ha! Seriously though, I'm just glad to be back in my clothes. I have been painting everything you can think of. Most recently, our back porch. I couldn't have done that without the help of my lovely friend, Katie Billings. She taped off the chevron stripes and we went from there. It all started in the living room a few months ago and now it's focused on the outside. This weekend we will be painting around our windows outside the house. Just trying to spruce the place up. I think if my pharmacy job doesn't work out I could be a professional painter. I have painted every single room in our house.
My sweet girl now has five pearly whites, she's standing on her own, sleeping through most nights and loves to make people smile. We cannot go anywhere without her saying "hey" to every passerby and then turning to see if they respond. She's quite different than her shy mama and I love it. She is such a joy and it is my prayer that she will be all of her life to everyone who has the pleasure of meeting her.
She is turning one in about two weeks. I cannot believe it. Lately I've been thinking about all of the changes and how quickly it goes by. Makes my heart a little sad, I won't lie. I am so thankful for each stage but looking back I wish each one was a little longer and I wish I could remember every single thing. Reading back through her baby book always make me say "awe".
I have also been reflecting on her journey into the world. I have been praying that my heart would not have one ounce of bitterness when I hear of the perfect pregnancy, perfect delivery and then how breast feeding went amazing for you! Sorry, I'm just letting it all out there. In all honesty I think it's more jealousy. I worked so hard, for about 75 hours or so, for a natural, epidural-free birth and it did not happen that way. 75 hours!!! I don't mean I was in labor at home but at the birth center, water broken and all. I am not trying to outdo anyone, I just wanted it to go better and I just want to feel good and proud about what I did. In the end, I had a beautiful baby. In the end, she is healthy with formula. In the end, it turned out that mama is alive and well! My heart is slowly but surely recovering from that. It will certainly be a story to tell miss Raleigh. Sometimes when you have your heart set to something or your plans are so set in stone, it doesn't happen and that doesn't mean that the Father doesn't love us. In fact, we get to see His love more in those times. One of my most precious memories during my time in the hospital was what I remember as my first moment waking up from a coma and seeing my beautiful friends standing around my bed. My husband, Sarah Turner, Kelly Kasten, Nandi Pryce and Mary Turner were all there. That is the love that I got the privilege to experience. Of course, I received so much love that I could never name everyone and I could never, ever express the gratefulness of my heart but that memory will always remind me of God's undeserved, yet so needed love.
Well, to sum it all up….
better at blogging (hopefully)
baby
marriage
juggling of schedule
added gym membership
painting
baby
jealousy (working through it)
friends
God
Love
It's a good life.
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