My God, my Healer

It all started with 82 long hours of labor.  I had every intention of having a natural, drug free birth in the pool at the birth center.  Because of Raleigh's position in the birth canal, that didn't go so well.  So, we found ourselves at Davis Regional Hospital 2 days after laboring.  After I was fully dilated I pushed for about 3 long hours with just her crazy hair showing.  That's it.  I had had enough by then and I knew my body could no longer handle any more.  It was either C-section or epidural.  The anesthesiologist could not have gotten to me any sooner!  I slept for a good 3 hours and woke up ready to go.  Within 2 hours of pushing, we had our sweet Raleigh Quinn.

We came home that Friday and by Sunday I started feeling terrible.  I mean, I was sore anyway after the long labor but I started having crazy hot flashes one minute and then absolutely freezing the next.  I would be so cold that I'd be outside with a blanket around me in 100 degree weather for an hour and still come in the house cold.  To most people this would merit a doctors visit but not me, I just attributed it to hormones.  I read online how some women had hot flashes and even chills after they had their babies so I guessed it was normal for me.

A whole week went by before I even did anything about this and even then it was because of the urging of a friend to call my midwife.  So, that Sunday I call my midwife who diagnosed me over the phone with mastitis.  She called in antibiotics and I started them that day.  I still wasn't getting any better over the next few days so that Wednesday I decided it was time to really do something.  I called Daniel's boss to send him home and we went straight to urgent care.  The doctor there said I did not have mastitis but he thought it was bad enough to send us straight to the ER.

I have never had illness or anything to merit a trip to the ER so this was all new to me.  They admitted me pretty much right away since the urgent care doctor called ahead.  I was put in a room where they ran test and took blood.  They gave me 2 bags of blood because my hemoglobin was extremely low.  Later on, I was told I had a UTI, pneumonia, and other possible infections.  The next day they came in  and told me they were going to have to put me on a ventilator because my lungs were not working properly and I couldn't breath well on my own.  Dan and I were just in shock.  I honestly wasn't sure what that meant but it sounded scary.  I wish I could say I felt peace at that moment but I felt nervous.  I cried all the way to the ICU room.  They made Dan go into the waiting room where they left him for hours without any news.  All I remember was them putting a mask over my face and I was gone.  At some point during this time, my heart stopped beating.  It took the doctor a while to get me stable.

 From Thursday to Monday I had no clue that I was even in existence.  Monday I started waking up but that day is still blurry to me.  I remember everyone looking orange for some reason.  I did not realize the extent of my situation until later in the week. It turns out I had a uterus infection, sepsis (a blood infection), a UTI and double pneumonia.  1 in 3 people survive sepsis.  One doctor said that if I hadn't came in when I did, I would not have made it.  Thank God for the spirit urging me to go to the doctor that day.  That was a miracle in itself.

On Tuesday I started to realize how many prayers had gone up for me. There were churches all over the country lifting me up.  I can't even think about it now without getting emotional.  I recently went on a trip to Tennessee where a sweet woman told me her whole church was praying and they even had a meeting with surrounding churches to pray for my healing.  I am awed by the love of my fellow believers. It makes me feel so humbled.  It also opened my eyes to the fact that I need to step up and be who I am called to be in Christ.  I have set back for a while with dumb excuses but it's time for me to get back to what God has called me to be as an encourager.  Lord knows that people need that these days.  I feel so small in this big world but if God can use me to make one person's day better, it's worth it.  I have also realized that if someone ask you to pray, do it!  Prayers made all the difference for me.  I pray that I will never take for granted the power of prayer.

I am so thankful to be getting back to normal.  I'm so thankful to my sweet husband.  I can't imagine what he was going through being on the other side of this.  We have both been through an emotional roller coaster through all of this.  We are so ready to revel in our restoration.  There was a time a few weeks ago that I said to Daniel that I think it would have been better if I had just died.  I was having such a hard time with taking care of a baby and healing up myself.  I had to let people come in and help me with Raleigh and that made me feel like a terrible mom.  I wanted to be able to do it by myself but that wasn't possible.  I said all that to say this, the enemy made me feel like the scum of the earth, even to the point where I thought I should have just died.  I just want to say that today, he has no place in determining how I feel.  God says, I am worth something and He says I lived for a reason!

Thank you to everyone who had a part in praying for my family, for bringing food, for sending donations.  Also, a very big thank you to my mom and my mother-in-law for staying the night so many nights so I could get rest.  As hard as it was to admit, I needed sleep and both of y'all made it possible. I'll leave you with a scripture that I have been standing on throughout this time.

Isaiah 41:10 "Don't be afraid, for I am with you.  Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

If you are having a hard time trusting God for a miracle just look at my story and see what he did for me.  He loves you just the same. No situation is too small or too big for God to take care of.