"You know the way to our hearts and the more we see the more we love you." These words rang so true to my heart when we sang them at church this morning. I couldn't help but smile because I was reminded of Friday morning. I've been in reno-mode the past few weeks and I just can't stop myself. Once I get an idea in my head it's hard for me to wait to get it accomplished. Anyone else? So, here are a few things we've been working on: painting the outside of the house, re-painting the living room, chevron stripes on the back porch, and re-doing the front porch where all the paint is chipping off. Old house say what?! Not to mention, my baby is turning one this week and I've been getting things ready for her party and her first year video. You could easily say that my focus has been off of everything else. Thankfully I realized that on Friday. To say that I have been overwhelmed is a bit of an understatement. I know I did it to myself. I know I should have thought to ask our good God so much sooner for peace but it didn't hit me until Friday morning.
I was on my way to Walmart to get more painting supplies. My father-in-law showed up that morning ready to paint the exterior. I wasn't prepared for that but I was so excited to get it done that I didn't care. I was feeling so anxious and I really didn't have any reason other than my "need" to get everything finished before Raleigh's big party. Suddenly it hit me that I needed to pray. I turned on some worship and I asked God for peace. I boldly said "God, I am not getting out of my car until you give me peace." You may think that's pretty bold. I could have been sitting there all day but I knew that I just could not go on until I had peace. Peace that passes all understanding. Peace that washes over us in our most stressful moments. Peace that gives us rest. Wonderful peace.
I decided to open up my devotion app for the day and the scripture was Philippians 4:6-7 "don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then, you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
When I read that I could not keep the tears from flowing and right there in the Walmart parking lot, I felt peace. I told God what I needed and because I asked, I received. Man, why didn't I do that before? I had been so focused on my "to do" list that I let the most important thing fall to the bottom of the list. So, as I sang those words this morning I knew how true they are. He knows the way to our hearts. I love him more today. The biggest lesson for me in this is to always let his peace guard my heart and mind. It's so easy to get overwhelmed with little things but those things do not matter when you think of the big picture.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Life lately
I need to be more persistent in my blogging but most of the time I have no idea what to write about and half the time I think "who cares". Well, I decided tonight that I would like to improve on my writing skills and what better way to do it? So, it's really simple for you….don't read it or read it.
So, back to my title, life lately. Life seems to be in a hurry these days. Why does time seem to be flying by? Yesterday was January and today is June. Well, you know what I mean. The biggest change in life is of course, motherhood in all its glory. I absolutely love it. My little Raleigh bee is so much better than I ever could have imagined. Why doesn't anyone tell you this sooner?! I guess I could also ask, why didn't anyone tell me how challenging the first few months were going to be?! Adjusting to a new life that you are responsible for is…well, it's a big responsibility. Anyway, I feel like Daniel and I have adjusted more and we now aren't quite as shocked that we have a child together. What started almost fourteen years ago has resulted in something so ridiculously wonderful. Never once when I was a fifteen year old smart-mouthed girl, would I ever, ever dreamed of a fairytale-like life. Don't misunderstand me here. We do not have a perfect life, but we do have each other and we have a Father with so much undeserved and unmerited grace. Some naysayers may say that I am disillusioned in believing we can always have a great marriage and have a great daughter but they can keep on naysaying. I know it takes work and I know that God is bigger than any situation that could ever come up. We have already seen what a miracle -working God we serve.
Back to life as of recent. Aside from balancing being a wife, mother, and employee, I have started exercising. Feels so good and I'm only a few pounds away from my pre-baby weight. Curses to all of you who lose it so quickly and easily (the Lord is working on my bitterness). Ha! Seriously though, I'm just glad to be back in my clothes. I have been painting everything you can think of. Most recently, our back porch. I couldn't have done that without the help of my lovely friend, Katie Billings. She taped off the chevron stripes and we went from there. It all started in the living room a few months ago and now it's focused on the outside. This weekend we will be painting around our windows outside the house. Just trying to spruce the place up. I think if my pharmacy job doesn't work out I could be a professional painter. I have painted every single room in our house.
My sweet girl now has five pearly whites, she's standing on her own, sleeping through most nights and loves to make people smile. We cannot go anywhere without her saying "hey" to every passerby and then turning to see if they respond. She's quite different than her shy mama and I love it. She is such a joy and it is my prayer that she will be all of her life to everyone who has the pleasure of meeting her.
She is turning one in about two weeks. I cannot believe it. Lately I've been thinking about all of the changes and how quickly it goes by. Makes my heart a little sad, I won't lie. I am so thankful for each stage but looking back I wish each one was a little longer and I wish I could remember every single thing. Reading back through her baby book always make me say "awe".
I have also been reflecting on her journey into the world. I have been praying that my heart would not have one ounce of bitterness when I hear of the perfect pregnancy, perfect delivery and then how breast feeding went amazing for you! Sorry, I'm just letting it all out there. In all honesty I think it's more jealousy. I worked so hard, for about 75 hours or so, for a natural, epidural-free birth and it did not happen that way. 75 hours!!! I don't mean I was in labor at home but at the birth center, water broken and all. I am not trying to outdo anyone, I just wanted it to go better and I just want to feel good and proud about what I did. In the end, I had a beautiful baby. In the end, she is healthy with formula. In the end, it turned out that mama is alive and well! My heart is slowly but surely recovering from that. It will certainly be a story to tell miss Raleigh. Sometimes when you have your heart set to something or your plans are so set in stone, it doesn't happen and that doesn't mean that the Father doesn't love us. In fact, we get to see His love more in those times. One of my most precious memories during my time in the hospital was what I remember as my first moment waking up from a coma and seeing my beautiful friends standing around my bed. My husband, Sarah Turner, Kelly Kasten, Nandi Pryce and Mary Turner were all there. That is the love that I got the privilege to experience. Of course, I received so much love that I could never name everyone and I could never, ever express the gratefulness of my heart but that memory will always remind me of God's undeserved, yet so needed love.
Well, to sum it all up….
better at blogging (hopefully)
baby
marriage
juggling of schedule
added gym membership
painting
baby
jealousy (working through it)
friends
God
Love
It's a good life.
So, back to my title, life lately. Life seems to be in a hurry these days. Why does time seem to be flying by? Yesterday was January and today is June. Well, you know what I mean. The biggest change in life is of course, motherhood in all its glory. I absolutely love it. My little Raleigh bee is so much better than I ever could have imagined. Why doesn't anyone tell you this sooner?! I guess I could also ask, why didn't anyone tell me how challenging the first few months were going to be?! Adjusting to a new life that you are responsible for is…well, it's a big responsibility. Anyway, I feel like Daniel and I have adjusted more and we now aren't quite as shocked that we have a child together. What started almost fourteen years ago has resulted in something so ridiculously wonderful. Never once when I was a fifteen year old smart-mouthed girl, would I ever, ever dreamed of a fairytale-like life. Don't misunderstand me here. We do not have a perfect life, but we do have each other and we have a Father with so much undeserved and unmerited grace. Some naysayers may say that I am disillusioned in believing we can always have a great marriage and have a great daughter but they can keep on naysaying. I know it takes work and I know that God is bigger than any situation that could ever come up. We have already seen what a miracle -working God we serve.
Back to life as of recent. Aside from balancing being a wife, mother, and employee, I have started exercising. Feels so good and I'm only a few pounds away from my pre-baby weight. Curses to all of you who lose it so quickly and easily (the Lord is working on my bitterness). Ha! Seriously though, I'm just glad to be back in my clothes. I have been painting everything you can think of. Most recently, our back porch. I couldn't have done that without the help of my lovely friend, Katie Billings. She taped off the chevron stripes and we went from there. It all started in the living room a few months ago and now it's focused on the outside. This weekend we will be painting around our windows outside the house. Just trying to spruce the place up. I think if my pharmacy job doesn't work out I could be a professional painter. I have painted every single room in our house.
My sweet girl now has five pearly whites, she's standing on her own, sleeping through most nights and loves to make people smile. We cannot go anywhere without her saying "hey" to every passerby and then turning to see if they respond. She's quite different than her shy mama and I love it. She is such a joy and it is my prayer that she will be all of her life to everyone who has the pleasure of meeting her.
She is turning one in about two weeks. I cannot believe it. Lately I've been thinking about all of the changes and how quickly it goes by. Makes my heart a little sad, I won't lie. I am so thankful for each stage but looking back I wish each one was a little longer and I wish I could remember every single thing. Reading back through her baby book always make me say "awe".
I have also been reflecting on her journey into the world. I have been praying that my heart would not have one ounce of bitterness when I hear of the perfect pregnancy, perfect delivery and then how breast feeding went amazing for you! Sorry, I'm just letting it all out there. In all honesty I think it's more jealousy. I worked so hard, for about 75 hours or so, for a natural, epidural-free birth and it did not happen that way. 75 hours!!! I don't mean I was in labor at home but at the birth center, water broken and all. I am not trying to outdo anyone, I just wanted it to go better and I just want to feel good and proud about what I did. In the end, I had a beautiful baby. In the end, she is healthy with formula. In the end, it turned out that mama is alive and well! My heart is slowly but surely recovering from that. It will certainly be a story to tell miss Raleigh. Sometimes when you have your heart set to something or your plans are so set in stone, it doesn't happen and that doesn't mean that the Father doesn't love us. In fact, we get to see His love more in those times. One of my most precious memories during my time in the hospital was what I remember as my first moment waking up from a coma and seeing my beautiful friends standing around my bed. My husband, Sarah Turner, Kelly Kasten, Nandi Pryce and Mary Turner were all there. That is the love that I got the privilege to experience. Of course, I received so much love that I could never name everyone and I could never, ever express the gratefulness of my heart but that memory will always remind me of God's undeserved, yet so needed love.
Well, to sum it all up….
better at blogging (hopefully)
baby
marriage
juggling of schedule
added gym membership
painting
baby
jealousy (working through it)
friends
God
Love
It's a good life.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
My God, my Healer
It all started with 82 long hours of labor. I had every intention of having a natural, drug free birth in the pool at the birth center. Because of Raleigh's position in the birth canal, that didn't go so well. So, we found ourselves at Davis Regional Hospital 2 days after laboring. After I was fully dilated I pushed for about 3 long hours with just her crazy hair showing. That's it. I had had enough by then and I knew my body could no longer handle any more. It was either C-section or epidural. The anesthesiologist could not have gotten to me any sooner! I slept for a good 3 hours and woke up ready to go. Within 2 hours of pushing, we had our sweet Raleigh Quinn.
We came home that Friday and by Sunday I started feeling terrible. I mean, I was sore anyway after the long labor but I started having crazy hot flashes one minute and then absolutely freezing the next. I would be so cold that I'd be outside with a blanket around me in 100 degree weather for an hour and still come in the house cold. To most people this would merit a doctors visit but not me, I just attributed it to hormones. I read online how some women had hot flashes and even chills after they had their babies so I guessed it was normal for me.
A whole week went by before I even did anything about this and even then it was because of the urging of a friend to call my midwife. So, that Sunday I call my midwife who diagnosed me over the phone with mastitis. She called in antibiotics and I started them that day. I still wasn't getting any better over the next few days so that Wednesday I decided it was time to really do something. I called Daniel's boss to send him home and we went straight to urgent care. The doctor there said I did not have mastitis but he thought it was bad enough to send us straight to the ER.
I have never had illness or anything to merit a trip to the ER so this was all new to me. They admitted me pretty much right away since the urgent care doctor called ahead. I was put in a room where they ran test and took blood. They gave me 2 bags of blood because my hemoglobin was extremely low. Later on, I was told I had a UTI, pneumonia, and other possible infections. The next day they came in and told me they were going to have to put me on a ventilator because my lungs were not working properly and I couldn't breath well on my own. Dan and I were just in shock. I honestly wasn't sure what that meant but it sounded scary. I wish I could say I felt peace at that moment but I felt nervous. I cried all the way to the ICU room. They made Dan go into the waiting room where they left him for hours without any news. All I remember was them putting a mask over my face and I was gone. At some point during this time, my heart stopped beating. It took the doctor a while to get me stable.
From Thursday to Monday I had no clue that I was even in existence. Monday I started waking up but that day is still blurry to me. I remember everyone looking orange for some reason. I did not realize the extent of my situation until later in the week. It turns out I had a uterus infection, sepsis (a blood infection), a UTI and double pneumonia. 1 in 3 people survive sepsis. One doctor said that if I hadn't came in when I did, I would not have made it. Thank God for the spirit urging me to go to the doctor that day. That was a miracle in itself.
On Tuesday I started to realize how many prayers had gone up for me. There were churches all over the country lifting me up. I can't even think about it now without getting emotional. I recently went on a trip to Tennessee where a sweet woman told me her whole church was praying and they even had a meeting with surrounding churches to pray for my healing. I am awed by the love of my fellow believers. It makes me feel so humbled. It also opened my eyes to the fact that I need to step up and be who I am called to be in Christ. I have set back for a while with dumb excuses but it's time for me to get back to what God has called me to be as an encourager. Lord knows that people need that these days. I feel so small in this big world but if God can use me to make one person's day better, it's worth it. I have also realized that if someone ask you to pray, do it! Prayers made all the difference for me. I pray that I will never take for granted the power of prayer.
I am so thankful to be getting back to normal. I'm so thankful to my sweet husband. I can't imagine what he was going through being on the other side of this. We have both been through an emotional roller coaster through all of this. We are so ready to revel in our restoration. There was a time a few weeks ago that I said to Daniel that I think it would have been better if I had just died. I was having such a hard time with taking care of a baby and healing up myself. I had to let people come in and help me with Raleigh and that made me feel like a terrible mom. I wanted to be able to do it by myself but that wasn't possible. I said all that to say this, the enemy made me feel like the scum of the earth, even to the point where I thought I should have just died. I just want to say that today, he has no place in determining how I feel. God says, I am worth something and He says I lived for a reason!
Thank you to everyone who had a part in praying for my family, for bringing food, for sending donations. Also, a very big thank you to my mom and my mother-in-law for staying the night so many nights so I could get rest. As hard as it was to admit, I needed sleep and both of y'all made it possible. I'll leave you with a scripture that I have been standing on throughout this time.
Isaiah 41:10 "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
If you are having a hard time trusting God for a miracle just look at my story and see what he did for me. He loves you just the same. No situation is too small or too big for God to take care of.
We came home that Friday and by Sunday I started feeling terrible. I mean, I was sore anyway after the long labor but I started having crazy hot flashes one minute and then absolutely freezing the next. I would be so cold that I'd be outside with a blanket around me in 100 degree weather for an hour and still come in the house cold. To most people this would merit a doctors visit but not me, I just attributed it to hormones. I read online how some women had hot flashes and even chills after they had their babies so I guessed it was normal for me.
A whole week went by before I even did anything about this and even then it was because of the urging of a friend to call my midwife. So, that Sunday I call my midwife who diagnosed me over the phone with mastitis. She called in antibiotics and I started them that day. I still wasn't getting any better over the next few days so that Wednesday I decided it was time to really do something. I called Daniel's boss to send him home and we went straight to urgent care. The doctor there said I did not have mastitis but he thought it was bad enough to send us straight to the ER.
I have never had illness or anything to merit a trip to the ER so this was all new to me. They admitted me pretty much right away since the urgent care doctor called ahead. I was put in a room where they ran test and took blood. They gave me 2 bags of blood because my hemoglobin was extremely low. Later on, I was told I had a UTI, pneumonia, and other possible infections. The next day they came in and told me they were going to have to put me on a ventilator because my lungs were not working properly and I couldn't breath well on my own. Dan and I were just in shock. I honestly wasn't sure what that meant but it sounded scary. I wish I could say I felt peace at that moment but I felt nervous. I cried all the way to the ICU room. They made Dan go into the waiting room where they left him for hours without any news. All I remember was them putting a mask over my face and I was gone. At some point during this time, my heart stopped beating. It took the doctor a while to get me stable.
From Thursday to Monday I had no clue that I was even in existence. Monday I started waking up but that day is still blurry to me. I remember everyone looking orange for some reason. I did not realize the extent of my situation until later in the week. It turns out I had a uterus infection, sepsis (a blood infection), a UTI and double pneumonia. 1 in 3 people survive sepsis. One doctor said that if I hadn't came in when I did, I would not have made it. Thank God for the spirit urging me to go to the doctor that day. That was a miracle in itself.
On Tuesday I started to realize how many prayers had gone up for me. There were churches all over the country lifting me up. I can't even think about it now without getting emotional. I recently went on a trip to Tennessee where a sweet woman told me her whole church was praying and they even had a meeting with surrounding churches to pray for my healing. I am awed by the love of my fellow believers. It makes me feel so humbled. It also opened my eyes to the fact that I need to step up and be who I am called to be in Christ. I have set back for a while with dumb excuses but it's time for me to get back to what God has called me to be as an encourager. Lord knows that people need that these days. I feel so small in this big world but if God can use me to make one person's day better, it's worth it. I have also realized that if someone ask you to pray, do it! Prayers made all the difference for me. I pray that I will never take for granted the power of prayer.
I am so thankful to be getting back to normal. I'm so thankful to my sweet husband. I can't imagine what he was going through being on the other side of this. We have both been through an emotional roller coaster through all of this. We are so ready to revel in our restoration. There was a time a few weeks ago that I said to Daniel that I think it would have been better if I had just died. I was having such a hard time with taking care of a baby and healing up myself. I had to let people come in and help me with Raleigh and that made me feel like a terrible mom. I wanted to be able to do it by myself but that wasn't possible. I said all that to say this, the enemy made me feel like the scum of the earth, even to the point where I thought I should have just died. I just want to say that today, he has no place in determining how I feel. God says, I am worth something and He says I lived for a reason!
Thank you to everyone who had a part in praying for my family, for bringing food, for sending donations. Also, a very big thank you to my mom and my mother-in-law for staying the night so many nights so I could get rest. As hard as it was to admit, I needed sleep and both of y'all made it possible. I'll leave you with a scripture that I have been standing on throughout this time.
Isaiah 41:10 "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
If you are having a hard time trusting God for a miracle just look at my story and see what he did for me. He loves you just the same. No situation is too small or too big for God to take care of.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Family
My family is the best. Any of them would give you the shirt off their back if you needed it. We are a very close knit family and we always cherish every moment together. My family has never been rich, never even cared for worldly goods if you will, but we do care for each other. Recently, we cherish moments even more so. My grandfather has been through the ringer this past year and it has taken a toll on him. The most recent diagnosis is lung cancer. Along, with his dialysis three times a week it pretty much leaves him drained.
I want to give you a briefing on my grandfather or as I call him, Paw. From the time I was just a toddler he has been the most precious thing in the world to me and I like to think I am to him, although I know he doesn't play favorites. I used to go everywhere with pawpaw. He would take me with him "to the country", which is where all his buddies hung out and played guitars. Nothing like good ole blue grass gospel picking! We would always stop by the store first to pick up cheese crackers and coke in a glass bottle (the best). Up until I was 18 that was my breakfast. He is also the reason I love coffee! I remember sitting in his lap taking sips from his cup.
He played in a band called the "Christian Voices" for the longest time and you can only guess who was always with him. I stuck by him like peanut butter and jelly. He is the sweetest most caring man I know, aside from my amazing husband. He is soft spoken, doesn't complain and never says a foul thing about anyone. If you go in my grandparent's house you will not leave feeling discouraged or hungry. If you do, it's your own fault.
There's just something about the simplicity of my grandparents that I want to carry along. My grandfather can't even read but he's a happy man. I want to carry on the love that him and maw have to graciously gave. They hold the savior in the highest regard and that is a legacy in and of itself.
With all that said, I recently asked my good friend "Chewy" or Jonathan O'Brien to do a photo shoot of this marvelous family. It has only been two years since our last shoot but I thought it was important to get this one in. I wanted it to be simple and sweet and I think he captured it well. Here are a few of my favorites….
…father with his only daughter and my little family
…now that's love
…one of 3 sons (uncle Tim) and great grandchild Nate
…here we are again in color
…There are many more great pics from this shoot that I'm sure you'll be seeing on my facebook soon enough. I hope you all get to enjoy your family as much as I do.
Also, check out jobrienphoto.com and book your shoot today.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
My favorite so far
My friends Craig and Mandy are having a baby girl! Eden Victoria is due to be here on January 25th, which also happens to be my birthday. So, when Mandy asked me to make her a quilt I was more than happy to. Although, I must admit that I was a bit nervous because I am surely not even close to being the best at it and I had only made 3 quilts prior to this one. Mandy picked out all the patterns and we talked about her vision for the quilt. I would describe Mandy's style as victorian lacy vintage. Her style is so unique in her clothing and in her home. I really wanted to bring this into the quilt. With Mandy's permission and trust in my judgement I added my own special touches. I did the brick pattern to break up some of the colors and the ribbon all around the border makes it all the more girly. I used some leftover cloth to make flowers to go on each corner which I think just make the quilt. The back is one of my favorite patterns, toile. I can't tell you how many hours I put into this quilt. Lots of headaches and stressful moments but it was all worth it. It was absolutely made with 100% love. Love for my dear friends and love for this precious miracle that will soon be here. When I took them the quilt I was quite anxious of what they would think but when I saw there maternity shots it made it clear that they were just as happy with it as I am. I really wish I could just make quilts all day everyday, especially for people who mean so much to me.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Restoration
Certain events in the past several weeks have brought back to my mind what this word 'restoration' means to me. The dictionary defines this word as follows:
a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition, restitution of something taken away or lost.
I'm going to go a little further and say that God's version of restoration is restoring better than original. It's important to share what God has done because it's not just for me but it's for others who are hurting and in need of restoring.
Almost two years ago my dad was murdered by an 18 year old boy. He was stabbed repeatedly and died on the scene. I can't begin to explain what happened when I got this phone call. Sometimes I still ride by the place and remember vividly that call. When we came home that night I was in total shock. It all started from there. Just grief and very dark days. I had nightmares over and over again. I started having panic attacks and I had never had them before. I would be driving and my body would start to go numb, my chest would get tight and I couldn't breathe. One thing through all this that I remember is my dear friend Sarah Turner would say "heal the way God wants you to heal". I began to think that this was not the way God wants me. These symptoms are not from Him and I didn't want to carry this by myself anymore. I hadn't prayed for a while because I just didn't know what to say.
A couple of weeks after my dad died I did have a dream. I dreamed that I was a choir and my dad walked in. I ran over to him and hugged him and was so excited. People that were around started saying "that's not your dad" and I was like "yes it is!" After a few minutes of them saying that I went down to the alter and starting crying frantically. Not one person came to give me comfort. I woke up and wrote that dream off as just another bad dream. I went on with my days and things got a bit better but I noticed I wanted to stay home more and be to myself. I wasn't Wendy. I kinda felt like a zombie walking around doing day to day routines. I knew people had to be praying for me and I am so thankful for those that did. One night about 2 months later I had the same dream I just told you about. This time when I was crying frantically I felt people around me comforting me. I woke up from that dream and I still felt like it was a bad dream because I didn't want to even think about my dad because even the thought of him made me sad.
I went to church that day and on the way I told my friend Tara about it. She told me she didn't think it was a bad dream and as soon as she said that the holy spirit began a work in my heart. The next night at the school of ministry I told the amazing ladies at my table and they quickly told me this was not a bad dream. Nancy and Beth, who are amazing women of God, said that the dream meant that my dad was singing in the heavenly choir and those people didn't recognize him because he was in a new body but I recognized him because he was my dad. The first time I was not comforted by people because I was so devastated. Also, Beth found a scripture in Psalm that talks about the land of the living and the land of the dead and she said God did not want to me to see my dad as in the land of the dead but of the living. As soon as this word was spoken I felt a supernatural hand lift my spirit up. It really is hard to explain. I felt new, better than original. I know it sounds a little weird to some but if you have ever had peace and joy and love poured over you at once you know!
I found this scripture a few weeks after. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "All praise to God. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled we will be able to give them the same comfort that God has given us" This is why I shared this. It's also to remind myself as this trial begins for the guy who killed my dad. I will not attend any of this and I would just rather not hear anything about it because I will not dig up old wounds that the Lord has already healed. I miss my dad extremely but I know that I will one day see him again. On my journey here I hope to comfort people as much as I can and it is my desire for you to know that restoration is real and it is for you! Thank you for letting me share.
a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition, restitution of something taken away or lost.
I'm going to go a little further and say that God's version of restoration is restoring better than original. It's important to share what God has done because it's not just for me but it's for others who are hurting and in need of restoring.
Almost two years ago my dad was murdered by an 18 year old boy. He was stabbed repeatedly and died on the scene. I can't begin to explain what happened when I got this phone call. Sometimes I still ride by the place and remember vividly that call. When we came home that night I was in total shock. It all started from there. Just grief and very dark days. I had nightmares over and over again. I started having panic attacks and I had never had them before. I would be driving and my body would start to go numb, my chest would get tight and I couldn't breathe. One thing through all this that I remember is my dear friend Sarah Turner would say "heal the way God wants you to heal". I began to think that this was not the way God wants me. These symptoms are not from Him and I didn't want to carry this by myself anymore. I hadn't prayed for a while because I just didn't know what to say.
A couple of weeks after my dad died I did have a dream. I dreamed that I was a choir and my dad walked in. I ran over to him and hugged him and was so excited. People that were around started saying "that's not your dad" and I was like "yes it is!" After a few minutes of them saying that I went down to the alter and starting crying frantically. Not one person came to give me comfort. I woke up and wrote that dream off as just another bad dream. I went on with my days and things got a bit better but I noticed I wanted to stay home more and be to myself. I wasn't Wendy. I kinda felt like a zombie walking around doing day to day routines. I knew people had to be praying for me and I am so thankful for those that did. One night about 2 months later I had the same dream I just told you about. This time when I was crying frantically I felt people around me comforting me. I woke up from that dream and I still felt like it was a bad dream because I didn't want to even think about my dad because even the thought of him made me sad.
I went to church that day and on the way I told my friend Tara about it. She told me she didn't think it was a bad dream and as soon as she said that the holy spirit began a work in my heart. The next night at the school of ministry I told the amazing ladies at my table and they quickly told me this was not a bad dream. Nancy and Beth, who are amazing women of God, said that the dream meant that my dad was singing in the heavenly choir and those people didn't recognize him because he was in a new body but I recognized him because he was my dad. The first time I was not comforted by people because I was so devastated. Also, Beth found a scripture in Psalm that talks about the land of the living and the land of the dead and she said God did not want to me to see my dad as in the land of the dead but of the living. As soon as this word was spoken I felt a supernatural hand lift my spirit up. It really is hard to explain. I felt new, better than original. I know it sounds a little weird to some but if you have ever had peace and joy and love poured over you at once you know!
I found this scripture a few weeks after. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "All praise to God. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled we will be able to give them the same comfort that God has given us" This is why I shared this. It's also to remind myself as this trial begins for the guy who killed my dad. I will not attend any of this and I would just rather not hear anything about it because I will not dig up old wounds that the Lord has already healed. I miss my dad extremely but I know that I will one day see him again. On my journey here I hope to comfort people as much as I can and it is my desire for you to know that restoration is real and it is for you! Thank you for letting me share.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
wendyology
I have officially been slack in some areas of my life, blogging and sewing being those areas. I'm not much of a computer person and I have been busy doing odd jobs which is a good thing. This week I have been back to sewing a bit and trying to update my etsy account. If only I could get a hand on resizing photos on this lovely new apple computer of ours. So here's the first of hopefully many aprons to come. I started with a simple pattern this time, seeing how it's my first apron ever. I must say that I am very happy with how it turned out. My least favorite part of sewing is cutting the cloth. Thank goodness that's the first thing I get out of the way. I am in love with my sewing machine (Daniel, I promise I'll always love you most). As I've already mentioned I'm not much of a computer person, so I must bid you farewell and hopefully there will be more to come soon. Thank you for reading:)
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